My stepfather’s children told me they plan to buy the house he shares with my mother. I stopped them in their tracks.
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Mom lives with “Roy” in a house he previously owned with his late wife. It’s a house he inherited from his parents. As he is generally bad with money, after my mother was living there for some years he revealed some financial issues, which led them to refinance the mortgage. This was mainly due to my mother’s much better credit; she is on the loan and on the deed.
While Roy’s daughter was visiting me (we’re close) she casually mentioned to me that her brother would either be “moving in” with my mother as a roommate or “buying out her half” if Roy predeceases her. He is 85 and not in great health; mom is 82, spry and sharp as a tack. I smelled a rat, as it seemed Roy’s kids knew something I didn’t.
I researched the refinance deed online and I discovered that the default deed in Illinois is “tenants in common” — not “joint tenants with the right of survivorship” (JTWROS) and sure enough that’s what they had in spite of instructing the title company they wanted JTWROS.
‘All five of us kids are fine financially and we don’t need anything.’
I advised my mother and Roy that if their wish was, indeed, for the survivor to have the house, they should call a lawyer, write new wills and get a new deed. Roy was typically lax in his approach, but mom persevered and it has since been handled. At first, they just did a joint will, but I stayed on their case and now they also have a new deed under JTWROS.
Their wills provide 75% to his kids and 25% to my brother and I should they both pass while they still own the home. I thought this was quite generous as mom has lived with Roy for about 10 years now, and Roy feels she has earned some equity.
All five of us kids are fine financially and we don’t need anything. My expectation is that eventually, the survivor will sell the home to fund a condo or long-term care or a nursing home. I plan on offering my share to Roy’s grandsons and my niece.
I wanted to share this positive outcome with you, as I know in your work you must almost never hear something that turned out for the good. Indeed, I wince at many of the issues people write to you about, but I learn something each and every time, so thank you.
The Son
Dear Son,
I was waiting for the “rub,” but it never came. Bravo!
You acted swiftly and didn’t give up. You knew that information was your friend — both the “off-the-cuff” comments from your step-siblings about taking ownership of your mother and stepfather’s house after he passed away, and the deeds you found online in your county recorder’s office files. You protected your mother’s future, and put in place plans for your stepfather and mother’s grandchildren to inherit any remaining assets after they’re both gone.
For those who are not familiar with types of home ownership, your story is a cautionary tale: JTWROS gives all owners an equal share of the property and does not allow one owner to add another person to the deed — and, importantly, if one owner dies, their share of the property goes to the other owners. If you are tenants in common, however, you would not have the right of survivorship in the event that your in-laws predecease you.
The irony is if your step-siblings had not told you of their plans, you would have been none the wiser. They knew your parents had JTWROS, so I can only assume they were involved in the refinancing of the house and — this is a wild guess — somehow influenced the process. It’s hard to know why they decided to mark your card in the way that they did; perhaps they figured the plans were set in stone, and this information would force you into submission.
Quiet inquiries and a steady, calm approach to helping vulnerable family members can do more than bullying or subterfuge.
Obviously that didn’t work as they planned, and you sprung into action. Powerlessness and fear are powerful emotions, and they paralyze us into a stalemate where we believe everything is hopeless and nothing we do will make a difference. But as long as both of your parents were of sound mind and willing and able to make the required changes to the deed of their home, and create wills that took care of their long-term care, there was a lot you could do.
Too often, I wish the person had written before the “big” twist. This man accepted $300,000 from his in-laws so he and his wife could buy a home, only to receive a demand to give their niece $125,000 when they sold the house or face a lawsuit. The letter writer said this amounted to putting a lien on their property in all but name. The sooner they extricated themselves from this mess, the better, as the house would likely only continue to increase in value.
Your step-siblings did you a favor in their attempts to bully you or strongarm you into acquiescing to their demands when the time came. (Or, maybe, they just had to tell you of their dastardly plan and merely couldn’t help themselves.) Either way, as your situation shows, quiet inquiries and a steady, calm approach to helping vulnerable family members can do more than bullying or subterfuge. Your parents’ futures are secure, thanks to your refusal to lie down.
One more thing: Joint tenancy is the most common form of property ownership for married couples, so I’m flummoxed as to why your mother and stepfather were listed as “tenants in common” on the deed. Did the attorney make an innocent mistake or misinformed decision? Or was there communication between your step-siblings and your parents’ attorney? It’s all conjecture now, and hardly worth digging into. The less your step-siblings know, the better.
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