‘Why am I so afraid to retire?’ I’m 60 and lost $1.2 million in a divorce. Can I rebuild my life?
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I have no debt or children, as I am no longer responsible for my former stepchildren.
In April 2022, I found myself divorced and living across the country from my family. I am 60, and since my divorce I have saved and invested everything that I can to overcome the loss of retirement savings. As the primary breadwinner, making three times more than my husband, I left the divorce heartbroken, with $1.2 million less in savings and half ownership of an $800,000 house (with no mortgage) that I can live in until I retire.
My retirement accounts are now worth $2 million. I also have $500,000 in investments and savings that I’ve considered using to buy my ex out of the house. I wonder if it is worth using $400,000 of those savings to buy the other half of the house. Or I could spend a bit more time in this home and use the sale proceeds to buy a smaller house or condo near friends and family.
I initially planned on working until age 62. Over that time, with average returns and maxed-out additional contributions to my 401(k) and IRAs, along with employer matches, those accounts may be worth $2.4 million. I could also add another $100,000 to my savings, bringing me up to $3 million.
‘I am very confident in my career and have an MBA from a top school, but since the divorce I feel financially vulnerable.’
Social Security at 62 would amount to $30,000 a year. Since the divorce, I have spent $50,000 per year, which includes insurance and property taxes. I have $60,0000 in a health savings account to pay for COBRA insurance after I retire, and I would plan on taking advantage of the double duration COBRA period of three years for 62-year-olds.
Now, however, I want to retire in three months to spend time with friends and on my hobbies. I am tired from the divorce and uninspired in my job. Even if I spend $80,000 per year, it seems like I will have more than enough money. If the rule of 4% is applied, I could use savings and the proceeds from my house sale to buy a condo, and at 62 draw $110,000 per year with no debt.
Given that I don’t need to leave an inheritance, I feel like I could probably take 5% and live on $130,000 a year. Why am I so afraid to retire or, at least, pull the trigger on retirement. And why I am reluctant to buy my ex out? I am very confident in my career and have an MBA from a top school, but since the divorce, I feel financially vulnerable.
Gray in the Pacific Northwest
Dear Gray,
Your divorce gave you wings, and those wings cost you $1.2 million. But you are already flying.
You’re rebuilding your savings. You will give up half of your home when you retire, but you have $2 million in retirement accounts and another $500,000 saved. That’s multiple times what the average American has at your age and, while you are comparing yourself to the person you were five or 10 years ago rather than to the average American, I hope you prefer the person you are today — emotionally, professionally and financially.
You are reaching the end of your career in very strong shape. Perhaps you didn’t get the encouragement you needed during your marriage, and that has left you feeling more fragile than your circumstances would suggest. Americans between the ages of 55 and 64 who have retirement accounts have an average of $537,560 in those accounts, and those between the ages of 65 to 74 have an average of $609,230, according to the Federal Reserve. I hope that makes you feel proud of everything you have accomplished.
“The bottom-line goal of retirement planning is deceptively simple: accumulating enough money to live the life you want once your career is no longer occupying most of your time or generating a regular paycheck,” according to Edward Jones. “Achieving that goal requires asking questions that have no easy answers: How much money will you need? How can you measure your progress toward a target decades in the future?”
Compare and despair
Comparing yourself to other people is often a fool’s game. Sure, it can serve as inspiration and context, but it can also make us feel like we’ll never have enough. Others may feel those same emotions when they read your letter and wonder why someone in your position is feeling so vulnerable, but you are comparing your life now to the life you believed you would have. While the life you have may be more modest than what you had originally planned, it’s also better.
Now that you are single again, despite how heartbreaking your divorce has been for you, your time is your own. You lost a chunk of your net worth, perhaps, but you have earned back multiples in time, the most valuable asset any of us have. You get to wake up and be the designer of your own destiny, pursue your leisure activities — whether that is skiing or golf or hiking or playing bridge — and then return to a safe space that is yours and yours alone.
I can’t answer exactly why you are afraid to pull the trigger on retirement, but I can offer some suggestions. Even work that is fulfilling can drain your psychological and emotional energy as you enter your 60s, but at the same time, it provides security and gives structure and purpose to your life. It would be weird if you didn’t feel nervous or anxious about giving it up. Perhaps you could explore working part time, or take a long vacation as a test run.
Waiting for Social Security
Hold off on claiming Social Security, if you can. Most people — 28.4% of men and 26.5% of women — take Social Security when they reach full retirement age, which is between 66 and 67, depending on the year a person was born. Meanwhile, 8.4% of men and 9.3% of women wait until age 70 or later to take their benefits, according to data from the Social Security Administration.
Social Security offers a bump in their benefit amount if they wait, although there’s no advantage to waiting longer than age 70. Research published by economists at the Federal Reserve and Boston University recommended that “virtually all” workers ages 45 to 62 should wait until after they turn 65 to draw their Social Security, and — here’s the kicker — more than 90% should hold out until they are 70. For people born in 1960 or later, like you, full retirement age is 67.
Social Security is an insurance policy against living longer than you think you might. The best time to claim your benefits is when you stop working. Some people will advise you to take your benefits at 67. If you are more optimistic, you’re healthy and have “good genes,” and you don’t smoke or drink to excess or engage in other activities that could shorten your life, you may feel comfortable waiting until 70. Remember that even if you delay claiming Social Security, you still need to sign up for Medicare at age 65.
Creativity and community
Uncertainty can be both unsettling and an opportunity for creativity and change. Moving is stressful and your home has a lot of memories and probably represents the last piece of your marriage. If your husband keeps his share of the house, you still have a connection to that past. The sooner you buy him out and take back the psychological reins, the more empowered you will feel. Talking with a therapist may help you prepare for the road ahead.
Reading your words, I want you to be happy as much as I want myself or that person opposite me on the bus or subway to be happy. I believe the small acts of kindness we show others and ourselves can release those fears of financial insecurity and help us plan ahead with a clear mind. Some people have more than others, but ultimately, we’re all in the same boat.
What was it all for — the hard work, the disappointments, the marriage, the career — if you can’t allow yourself to take the leap into this next chapter? You don’t have to do it today, but the stronger you feel, the more willing you will be to make the jump. Everything you have done up until now, you have done as a couple. This is something you are doing by yourself. But I hope you have friends and a community to support you both now and in retirement.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.
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